Have you just experienced discovery? Found something in your partner’s email or cell phone that has shocked and shattered you to your core? Have you been left heart broken, and feeling like life as you know it is over? If you’re stunned, grieving, insecure, furious and sad all at the same time … you are not alone.
Betrayal, regardless of the reason is devastating. Sex addiction can be as traumatizing to a partner as it is to the addict. You may not be interested in hearing this just yet, but even though sex addiction seems like an entirely different ballgame than the “other’ addictions, it is really quite similar. Meaning, addiction of any sort doesn’t come from pleasure but from pain. If your partner is a sex addict, they are using sex to soothe. It is a coping mechanism used to deal with feelings, situations or worries that are painful. Sex is used as an escape in the same way some misuse smoking, alcohol, eating, exercise or substances. A sex addiction pattern is usually formed at a young age and manifests itself over time. Somewhere along the line, the addict made brain chemical associations between pain and sex. In some cases sex addiction can result after sex abuse or because the parent-child attachment was unhealthy.
I remember when Tiger Woods entered treatment for sex addiction, I was thinking “Ya right, addicted to being a jerk.” However, after much experience and education on the topic, I can say quite confidently having a sex addiction isn’t fun. Discovering your partner has been having sexual experiences outside of your relationship isn’t fun either. It is traumatic and life altering.
Regardless of your decision to stay in the relationship or leave, getting help with healing is essential. With the right support and guidance, not only is healing possible, love and life can blossom like never before. I can help guide you through the process of discovery, understanding and healing.
“Don’t allow your wounds to transform you into someone you are not.” – Paulo Coelho.
If you or someone you love is experiencing mental health and/or addiction, call Bayridge Counselling Centre at 905.319.1844 to book an appointment. We can help.
Offices: Burlington/St. Catharines
Focus: Individual, Partners of Addicts, Addiction including sex, Betrayal Trauma, Affair Recovery, Orientation, Life Skills, Building Resiliency and Empowerment