It is funny how we can get caught up in an emotional moment with our teens. Cardinal sins of parenting are attempts to deal with problems without using thought, questions, or comments that are effective. Too often we are tired, stressed or hungry when we engage in “screaming matches” with our kids. Barbara Colorroso and Dr. Phelan have some very sound insight into parenting teens.
(1) Spontaneous Problem Discussion.
When you decide you’re ready to talk about a problem, but your teen may not be. The question: “when are you going to do those dishes” isn’t likely to achieve the response: “thanks for the reminder, I’ll drop whatever I’m doing and get to those right now!” Sometimes a simple phrase: “I’m concerned about some of the chores we’ve discussed. When can we talk about it? It won’t take long” can bring a completely different response from your teen.
is a set of repetitive, often hostile verbal reminders about something somebody else wants accomplished directed at a person who doesn’t share the same enthusiasm. The only thing this accomplishes is more fighting and friction.
(3) Insight Transplanting.
This is the lecture: “When I was your age, I walked up hill both ways in a snow storm to get to school.” Lecturing doesn’t work. Teens need to learn from their own mistakes and life experiences, not yours.
We all do it, but when you argue with a teen, you will loose. The other three sins usually give birth to this one.
Remember, your relationship with your teen is built on transition and trust. There are many ways to strengthen the relationship between yourself and your teen. Why not come in and talk about it?