Most Frequently Asked Questions:

Signs of someone who fears intimacy Issues:

  • low self-esteem
  • trust issues
  • not able to speak freely and openly about emotions
  • tends to be a pleaser
  • uses arguing and anger to create distance
  • actively avoids physical contact
  • trouble forming or committing to close relationships
  • history of unstable relationships
  • unable to show vulnerability
  • insatiable sexual desire
  • lives in self-imposed social isolation
  • takes themselves too seriously, can’t laugh at themselves

What does a healthy sex life look like?

You open the door out of breath to find your sister at the door, and the first thing she says is “Why is your face so flushed? Ahh . . you guys were getting busy!”

If this situation happens at least once a year it is a good sign of a healthy sex life. The reality is that a healthy sex life is a regular mutual expression of love, eroticism, play and physical pleasuring. A healthy sex life is a good sign of health – emotional health, physical health and marital health.

It is healthy when both partners can lie in bed looking at the ceiling, still breathing heavily, feeling the lingering delight of release and hearing your partner whispering “Was that good for you?”

A healthy sex life is a satisfied sex life!

Sexless marriage

I have no doubt in my mind that my partner loves me. I certainly love her. We do everything together except make love. It was two years ago last Christmas. Believe me, I know the last time.

Living in a sexless marriage is a silent killer. It often occurs in relationships where one or both tend to avoid conflict. It is the elephant in the room. It is the cholesterol in the arteries, clogging the blood flow for the heart to beat freely.

Often sexless marriages lead to chronic anger, emotional distance, guilt, shame, resentment and contempt. All these emotions are serious, serious signs of marital distress.

Online counselling can help break through some of the unspoken blockages that prevent the natural expression of love.

Sexless marriage

I have no doubt in my mind that my partner loves me. I certainly love her. We do everything together except make love. It was two years ago last Christmas. Believe me, I know the last time.

Living in a sexless marriage is a silent killer. It often occurs in relationships where one or both tend to avoid conflict. It is the elephant in the room. It is the cholesterol in the arteries, clogging the blood flow for the heart to beat freely.

Often sexless marriages lead to chronic anger, emotional distance, guilt, shame, resentment and contempt. All these emotions are serious, serious signs of marital distress.

Online counselling can help break through some of the unspoken blockages that prevent the natural expression of love.

Why doesn’t my spouse want to have sex?

There are many reasons why a partner may lose their sexual appetite. The most obvious reason could be aging or physical changes to their body. Other reasons may be past trauma, the absence of trust, avoidant behaviours, suppressed issues, anxiety, depression, weight gain, body image issues and more.

The important thing is to speak to someone as soon as possible. Online therapy is a safe and confidential place to begin.

What is an open marriage?

Why doesn’t my spouse show me affection?

Wow, that can hurt . . . especially if touch is one of your love languages. A person without the nurturing affirmation of love will eventually feel unloved or unvalued.

In my experience in working with couples it is important to understand how your partner expresses love and receives love. Secondly, it may be an unconscious way to keep emotional distance because intimacy reveals vulnerabilities or past wounds. They probably do love you but they are more than likely protecting themselves.

Compassionate discussions of mutual needs being met is a must. Often couples struggle with such intimate conversations as they do not want to hurt each other or argue. An online marriage counsellor can help to facilitate these difficult discussions.

My spouse has no interest in me sexually

Ouch! That hurts. In short, it could be about you. It could be about them. It could be about the relationship itself or it could be about something else. Online therapy is a great opportunity to explore these difficult and very sensitive areas, in the privacy of your own home and, even, your bedroom.

How do I know what my spouse needs from me?

Ask, listen, watch! It is difficult for many couples to speak about sexual issues. This is such a sensitive area in our lives. I don’t think we pay enough attention to our successes. We need to remember what it was like when it was magical for our partner. We need to be a student of our partner and love them as they need to be loved, not the way we want to love them.

Be kind and ask them what they need. The reality is that most couples do not have forthright conversations because they don’t want to hurt their partners. An online therapist can help with this!

How do I make my marriage work again?

Every couple gets stuck some time. When our car is stuck in the snow or mud, we ask someone to help push or we call a tow truck. We understand it, we problem-solve and we make a phone call. We get unstuck.

Marital relationships can very easily get stuck in the heavy responsibilities and routines of children and work stress. Every couple gets stuck at times. You can get mad or sulk and hope that the relationship somehow just starts moving again, but often this just childlike magical thinking.

The truth is that we get unstuck by putting time and energy into pulling in the same direction. Don’t just sit there day after day saying we are stuck. Pick up the phone and call someone! Online therapy or face-to-face therapy can pull you out of the unhealthy muck that can weigh the relationship down. Need a tow?