Teens are not wired to be reasonable or rational! Today’s teens have so many psycho-emotional challenges and expectations. One can only imagine having to also deal with parents arguing, or worse – not talking to each other. And then top that off by having to deal with parents divorcing!
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How to Tell Your Teenager You are Separating
Parents are often so nervous about having such conversations. Everyone deserves to be respected, no matter the age. When two parents are going to make a familial decision that will affect everyone, it demands a slow, thoughtful, compassionate conversation that takes as long and occurs as often as the neediest member requires. Expressing truth encircled with humility and love needs to be communicated.
In actual fact, an online therapist is a wonderful third party to introduce into the divorce process that allows all family members to express their difficult feelings and struggles with. Often teens and children are trying not to be a burden to parents, hoping they can somehow fix the relationship.
How to Help a Teen with Divorce
Support takes on different looks during this period. Your teen needs to feel support from both parents, and also from the extended family, perhaps teachers and good friends. A trained therapist can also help them in processing this difficult life event while staying at a healthy distance for trusted safety. What is clear is during this period of becoming independent, the hardest but most important part is to engage them with trusted third-party support.
Effects of Divorce on Teen’s Behaviour
Divorce can be a trauma or a relief to some teens. In difficult situation a teen’s behaviour may heighten in its intensity or frequency. Behaviours may become riskier or self-abusive (drinking, drugs, sexual promiscuity). It may increase anxiety and affect their sense of security. They may begin to struggle academically or socially, as well.
At least one study out of the UK has suggested that teens 14 years of age and up were found to suffer more.
Physical Effects of Divorce on a Teen
It is important to be more diligent in speaking regularly with your teen after a separation and divorce. Watch for signs of difficulty sleeping, changes in eating patterns, anger, anxiety, depression or isolating. Check in with them often and encourage, when necessary, to connect with an online therapist who can be a safe sounding board and mentor to guide them through this major life event.
How to Discuss Divorce with Your Teen
All children and teens are intelligent and have known for quite a while that their mom and dad have not been getting along. It is important to have these difficult but honest conversations with them together with both parents present. The most important thing is to let them know that the decision to divorce has nothing to do with them. You might let them know that sometimes parents get along better when not living together.
How to Discuss Divorce with Your Teen
All children and teens are intelligent and have known for quite a while that their mom and dad have not been getting along. It is important to have these difficult but honest conversations with them together with both parents present. The most important thing is to let them know that the decision to divorce has nothing to do with them. You might let them know that sometimes parents get along better when not living together.
How to Deal with an Angry Teen after Divorce
Divorce can bring out the worst in everyone. It can compromise even great parents. So, the easiest things to change are the things we have power over. Us!
When a parent cannot separate their hurt and anger towards an ex, and it splashes over onto their children and their relationship with their other parent, we do harm to our teens. In this case, parents need to learn to set aside their own anger and focus on the teen. This can be extremely difficult. The assistance of a compassionate, professional online therapist may be exactly what you need. Parents need to set standards for themselves first and then reach out to help their teen. It is important to love them even if their words hurt or are extreme.
Your teen is not wired to take on problems such as divorce in a logical and rational manner. They need extra time and assistance to navigate through this difficult terrain.
Can Divorce be Good for a Teen?
Divorce can be a relief for a teen and it can perhaps even be beneficial to be removed from a toxic environment. However, not experiencing the supportive love between two parents is never a successful building block for future partnerships.
Will Divorce Hurt My Teen?
Yes! However, life hurts sometimes. The better question is, “How will we together heal from our hurts to become stronger, more compassionate people?”
