Direct victim blaming shocks us. I would like to believe that we have advanced as a society from a culture where women were accused of provoking violence or rape.
However, often we blame ourselves when we something goes wrong in a relationship: “My partner broke up with me because I gained weight” / “I didn’t get the job, because I failed the interview”. The leitmotif is “I am not good enough”.
You can argue that on the surface, it might be true, a person can leave because of any reason including a change of the partner’s appearance, candidates are supposed to be brilliant on their interview and so on. It might be accurate, but the approach is a simplification, the interactions between people are more complicated than they seem.
First, you are You. You have a right to be yourself. Second, some people may not like you, but they don’t reflect you. They have their perceptions, reasons, and judgments. People are not Mirrors, their reflections of us might be incorrect. Third, it’s difficult to say from where their comments originate: from their hidden reasons, which they wouldn’t let you know; from their low self-esteem and an intention to increase it devaluating you; from their envy or their place of vulnerability.
My mother used to say that my brother was much better than me, it took years to find out that he had been told the same. She made us compete and believed that it was for our own good.
If you catch yourself self- blaming and telling yourself that you are not good enough, please revise your beliefs and try to find where it comes from. If you stuck and can’t do it on your own connect with Bayridge Counselling Centres to schedule your session at 905-319-1488.